Babies are not blessings? Oh Please!

This is yet another reply to the article written by Ana Santos in Rappler - Babies Are Not Blessings. A good friend who is a renowned Catholic apologist has already written his reply to the article here, but let me add my musings about it as well.

My mother, like all mothers, risked her life in delivering me as a baby, but unlike most mothers, she had to battle hypertension during delivery as well. The doctor predicted this would happen, and months before I was born he 'suggested' to my mother that they 'terminate' the pregnancy so she wouldn't have to go through such a life-risking procedure of delivering me. When I was about to be born, her blood pressure shot up to 180/120, but by God's Grace I was delivered into this world just fine.

To this day, she beams with pride and joy whenever she tells her friends that story when she was able to deliver me and risk her life doing so.

 I agree that no woman has to die when she gives birth to her child. What I am against is this negative view about children and babies.

How can babies not be blessings?

We Catholics believe that every child is a blessing, no matter the circumstance that led to his existence. We believe that life is a GIFT from God, regardless whether we value it or not. We believe that a human person has inherent dignity, from the moment of his conception until his last breath, and that this dignity and this life should be upheld, respected, and protected, even by our very lives. These are the basic tenets of the pro-life mindset; this is why we as pro-lifers do not buy that very dangerous term: "each child should be wanted."

Ana Santos writes:

If babies are truly the blessings that we believe they are, each and every pregnancy should be wanted and properly planned for.

Planned Parenthood, the biggest abortion provider in the US, has this to say in their website. 

Who We Are

Our mission is to ensure that every child is a wanted child and to protect reproductive health by providing comprehensive, medically-accurate sex education and quality health care, while advocating for the reproductive rights of women, men and families. 

This is the not-so-amusing thing about some Pro-RH peeps: they deny to highest heavens that RH is about abortion, but they use the same language that pro-abortion people use! Could it be...?

It is true that pregnancy, and in the larger scheme of things, being a parent, ideally should be planned. All babies, however, regardless whether they were planned or not, regardless whether they are wanted by their parents or not, should be treated as blessings. They are like God's promise to this world that, whatever happened prior to his birth, with all the good and the bad things happening in this world, life goes on! 

 Reality Check: Everything Costs Money, Not Just Babies

One way for Ms. Santos to drive home her point was to use the reality of finances. She writes, quoting Dr. Emma Llanto of UP-PGH:

Llanto’s list includes cost of vaccination and visits to the pediatrician (P30,000 in the first year) and modest cost of living at P25,000 – P30,000 per month. 

“And then they start going to school,” says Llanto who takes her cue from the members of the audience and pegs the cost of an exclusive private school at around P100,000 per year.

Of course, having a baby costs money. Having a pet costs money. Many of our hobbies cost money. Many of our passions in life will, at one point, cost money. We are not talking about mouths to feed here, Ms. Santos. We are talking about the future generation. That mouth to feed today will be two hands and a brain tomorrow, once empowered by education. 

Ironically, last week I have had the privilege of interviewing Mr. Manjoe Mendoza, father to 9 children. These days, a man like him would be derided and ridiculed for having a large family. When I sat down to interview him, however, his views on his big family astounded me. Here is a short excerpt of that interview: 

Me: What are the advantages and disadvantages of having a big family?

Manjoe:  It's true that many hands make light work. Presently, we don't have a helper at home. The kids including the small ones pitch in doing the dishes and cleaning the dining area even during school days. No one is exempted unless it is exam week.

There is nothing compared to the dynamics of interacting with real flesh and blood. (You may have hundreds of friends in Facebook but once you shut down your computer, you are left by your lonesome.) The moral and emotional support / encouragement that they give to each other are priceless! 

 Boys' clothes and shoes get handed down and get maximum mileage. The girls, since they are more or less the same size, share wardrobe.

 If there is a difficult subject in school, chances are, there is a subject matter expert the younger ones can consult. The older kids volunteer to tutor the younger ones. With so many hands available, school projects are a breeze! 

 There is little chance that kids will grow up spoiled. They are experts at division. When given a tray of chocolates, the young ones automatically divide it by nine. There is a heightened sense of fairness and justice instilled in them that we cannot claim to have taught them. Only the college kids have their own laptops, the rest share one desktop PC and learn patience by queuing.

They learn to put others first. I never noticed it but Lenette (his wife) pointed out that frequently, there is one last piece of drumstick or hotdog or lumpiang shanghai left on the serving plate. They do not dump food on their plates.
There are also disadvantages, the first one you might have guessed right. Education is expensive. We have given up a lot of things in order to cope with the cost of education. These include children's parties, vacations and weekends for recreation. Our children know why we have to make sacrifices. They appreciate the value of money. We only go to the mall if there is a specific purchase to make; we don't window-shop because it breeds a consumerist mentality. Tough situations call for making sacrifices -- these are golden opportunities to teach temperance and moderation, being a wise consumer and not falling prey to advertising hype. And no, the kids do not feel deprived. 

We have deferred moving to a bigger house in a nicer neighborhood. We live in a 3 bedroom bungalow, that means there is no choice but to get along with other people. Boys stay in one room, girls share a bedroom and bathroom. Even managing with just two toilets at home is not viewed as an inconvenience but a chance for them to: practice time-management; be considerate of other people, not to always put one's self ahead. We've never bought a new car since 1997; we drive second-hand cars. It's more practical and it teaches the value of detachment. We don't acquire things as an end in themselves nor do we measure people by their possessions. 

Photo courtesy of Sky Ortigas

I have been invited to countless children's parties, mostly by my friends who are still beaming with their new status as parents. They tell me all about the joys as well as the struggles of parenthood. I have seen their metamorphosis too. We spent so many nights drinking and partying back in the day Now they are proud parents to their little bundle of joy, and I have seen such a profound transformation in them. Perhaps they realize that their children are both blessings and opportunities for them to improve their lives. 

I dare Ms. Santos to say it to their faces - that their babies are not blessings. 

I am not perfect. I made so many mistakes in my life, and lived through so many embarrassing, shameful, and painful moments. But I choose to believe that I, like everyone else, was born to be a blessing to my family and the rest of the world.

One of the many movies that made me cry was Mr. Holland's Opus, starring Richard Dreyfus. Mr. Holland wanted to become a famous composer of music, but wound up as a music teacher in the local school instead. In this scene, after he was laid off by the principal due to economic reasons, he was given one final goodbye by his students and former students, spanning more than 30 years of his career. Watch this very touching scene. 

The governor of their place, who was then Mr. Holland's student, gave a very inspiring speech: 

Gertrude Lang: Mr. Holland had a profound influence on my life and on a lot of lives I know. But I have a feeling that he considers a great part of his own life misspent. Rumor had it he was always working on this symphony of his. And this was going to make him famous, rich, probably both. But Mr. Holland isn't rich and he isn't famous, at least not outside of our little town. So it might be easy for him to think himself a failure. 

But he would be wrong, because I think that he's achieved a success far beyond riches and fame. Look around you. There is not a life in this room that you have not touched, and each of us is a better person because of you. We are your symphony Mr. Holland. We are the melodies and the notes of your opus. We are the music of your life.

We enrich this world and the lives of those whom we love by our existence. The gifts you have received, give as gifts! And so, as Sr. Pilar Verzosa, the founder of Pro-Life Philippines would often say: I AM GLAD YOU WERE BORN! 

The Culture of Entertainment Vs The Sense of the Sacred

Every Simbang Gabi in December, every Church and every parish seem to have the same problem: the phenomenon of the so-called simbang labas (a common variation would be simbang ligaw, meaning taking the mass as a dating opportunity). The problem isn't so much the people having to hear mass outside. After all, that time of the year our churches are filled to the rafters and bursting at the seams with mass-goers. The problem is many people, mostly the young ones, go there not for the sacrifice of the Holy Mass, but for reasons that have nothing to do with it. They treat it as gimik or an opportunity to be with their girlfriends or boyfriends or barkada. They talk, joke around, make chismis, and wander around like the mass wasn't going on. Moreover, it seems that the problem gets worse every year.

I would dare say that this problem is not the real problem here, but more of a symptom of a bigger problem. The real problem, in my opinion, is the loss of the sense of the sacred.

This video has been making the rounds in social media lately. I agree, the Madrigal Singers have done this country a great service and brought honor to our nation many, many times in the past. But we have to call a spade a spade, and what they did here was totally lacking any sense of the sacred.

We can all ask what the organizers were thinking by making the Madrigal Singers do this inside a church. Usually, public places like malls and parks are used for flash mobs. Who would have the audacity to suggest a flash mob that has nothing to with praise, prayer, religion, or God. Quoting from this report:

CCP artistic director Chris Millado said the performance, which he referred to as a “random act of culture,” is aimed at making “art matter to every Filipino.”

There you go.. IT WAS A RANDOM ACT OF CULTURE. Nothing to do with praying whatsoever. In fact, if you take a close look at the crowd in the video above, you will notice not a few people irked by the performance. They came their to pray, but their prayers were interrupted by the random act of culture.  However, some of the people joined in the singing and dancing. They took pictures and videos too. The sense of the sacred was lost, replaced by total entertainment.

Let's take a look at the spectacle they made in the sanctuary

:
Honestly, before I found this picture, I was going to ask why this random act of culture was allowed to be staged inside a church no less. Only for me to see - gasp - a priest joining the fray! I guess I found the answer.

Let's not kid ourselves. We have lost the sense of the sacred. With the media and social media bombarding us with so much noise from movies to songs to TV shows to blogs, it is quite difficult to find people who would cherish and uphold the silence and sacredness of the Church. Where the Blessed Sacrament is. Where Jesus is. His Real Presence among us!

But nobody seems to appreciate that fact anymore. We're all emo when it comes to life's purpose, what is life, who we are, what's our identity, where is God - when He is physically present during Communion and right there in the tabernacle when the mass is not being said. But people seem to miss these points, resulting in a loss of the sense of the Sacred.

These are the things I have observed that led to the loss of our sense of sacred:

1. "Innovations" inside the Holy Mass -  Good worship boils down to correct worship, after all. I have said it before, and I do say it again: the burden of proof lies on those who say that their liturgical dance will lead people to greater appreciation of the mass. On the other hand, the mass, by itself, without any of the mumbo-jumbo, feel good, song-and-dance routines being perpetuated by catechists and liturgists, have already produced hundreds of saints.

I am not clowning around. This is an actual clown mass. Because small liturgical abuses lead to bigger ones.

2. Not observing the dress code inside the church - People can no longer distinguish what they can wear when they are at the mall and when inside the church. Ergo you have boys wearing shorts and crocs, and ladies wearing very revealing dresses. Ever heard of the term "Sunday Best"? I guess you haven't heard that term for a long time. Yep. That's because it's been ages since we wore our best for the Lord especially during Sundays. It pains me to say that I wish I could say that only the laity are guilty of this; how many times have we seen our priests not wear the proper vestments? I distinctly remember one Sunday when I noticed that the sacristans and the lay minsters were impeccably dressed, only for the mass to begin and see that father so and so was wearing jeans and dirty rubber shoes. Ack.

3. Failure of Parents to act as First Educators - The family is a child's first experience of the Catholic Church. The parents are supposed to be the primary educators of the child especially in matters of the faith and in morals. Godparents should be helping out in this matter too. Many parents, however, think it is the role of the teachers and the school to do this. I have the utmost respect for parents who take time to learn their Catholic faith in order to pass it on to their children. Sadly, this has not been the case for many. Unfortunately, in many cases too, there has been a disconnect with what the teachers and the catechists teach and what they see and hear from their parents.

4. Sense of Sacred being replaced by Culture of Entertainment - It is all around us. Mass media, social, media, the internet, books, magazines, comics, songs, shows, film. We live from one distraction to the next. We must have see that latest movie, check out that latest MTV, and read that latest book. We wake up, we open the TV. We listen to music going to work. At home we check out our mail and/or Facebook. There is simply no time nor space for God. Everything has to appeal to our senses. And this need to saturate our senses sometimes carry over to the church. We complain that father so and so's homily was too long, too boring, and completely devoid of any visual or powerpoint presentation. We complain that the mass takes forever and that the church is too quiet. This is when catechists, parish priests, and liturgists begin to say, "hey, let's put some dancing in the mass, to make it more appealing" or something to that effect.

These 4 are just what I have in mind. Feel free to add to the list by commenting in the comments section. Let us do our part in restoring the Sense of the Sacred.

Love, Through the Aetas' Eyes

Around 7 years ago I was given the opportunity to preach the retreat of around 200 senior citizens. I do not remember much about the retreat, except what happened after my talk.

The incident happened during lunch break. For some reason, an elderly Aeta couple got separated from each other at the dining hall, and they ended up being seated apart from each other.

Lunch was served, and all 200 elderly people began to eat. Except for the Aeta couple. I thought to myself that it might be that they weren't used to the food that was served to them. After a couple of minutes, I noticed the husband standing next to his wife, who was by now having lunch. I asked him why he was standing beside his wife when he already had a seat several tables away. What he told me was something I still vividly remember until today, several years later:

“Hindi po kasi kami sanay kumain nang mag-isa.”

 In this post-modern society of cheap, easy-come-easy-go relationships, they stand out like beacons in the middle of the sea; or as Shakespeare says in one of his sonnets:

 (Photo courtesy of homepage2.nifty.com)

O no! it is an ever-fixed mark

That looks on tempests and is never shaken;

It is the star to every wandering bark,

Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.

In this day and age where people prepare and invest more in a grandiose wedding more than a lasting marriage, divorce is an easy way out of their marital vows. They were the teachers no one listened to. This simple couple is, in many ways, wise in the ways of human relationships despite being out of step with the modern world in terms of lifestyle and mentality. It was a very simple act on the husband’s part – to stand by her wife and to stick with her no matter what – that seems very profound given society’s antagonism for things that are timeless and permanent.

Like marriage.

Despite their apperances, they knew what love was. 

“here is the deepest secret nobody knows

(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud

and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows

higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)

and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)” – E.E. Cummings

Room for Improvement - Ang Kwartong Hindi Uso Sa 'Pinas

Sa maagang edad ay naikintal na sa akin ng aking mga guro ang kasabihang ito: "The biggest room in the world is the room for improvement." 'Yun nga lang, parang hindi ito uso sa 'Pinas, dahil napakaraming aspeto ng buhay natin ang nangangailangan ng pagbabago pero 'yun at 'yun pa rin ang nararanasan natin.

Ang madalas na eksena: may foreigner, o balikbayan, na nagtanong kung bakit ganito sa Pilipinas, samantalang pwede namang magbago para sa ikauunlad ng bayan. Ang laging sagot - "kasi, 'yan na ang nakasanayan." Siguro, tayo rin ang pumipigil sa ating pag-asenso bilang isang bansa. Heto ang ilan lang sa mga bagay na dapat siguro ay pag-tuunan ng pansin at pagbabago:

1. Bakit kailangang bumaha at mag-trapik tuwing umuulan? Habambuhay na ba tayong mapeperwisyo ng pag-baha at buhol-buhol na trapik tuwing tag-ulan? Sa dinami-dami ng engineering graduates ng ating mga prestihyosong mga kolehiyo at unibersidad sa loob napakaraming dekada, bakit walang makalutas ng problema natin sa baha? Huwag nating sabihing walang solusyon ang problemang ito. Nakipagbuno ang mga taga-Netherlands noon sa baha dahil likas na mababa ang kanilang lugar. Ngayon ay may sarili silang flood-control program para hindi sila lamunin ng dagat. Take note: hindi basta-basta ang kanilang mga makinarya at programa. Hindi 'yung tipong ilang linggong ulan lang ay sira na, made in China pala.

Lusong, mga kapatid! 

Aliw na aliw tayo sa mga artistang nagse-selfie sa MRT. "Wow, nag-MRT si Kris! Ang galing naman niya!" Pero nakalimutan natin na 'yung kapatid niya, parte ng problema dahil walang ginagawa para masolusyunan ang perwisyo na dulot ng pag-baha at traffic.

Take that smile off your face. Kasalanan ng kapatid mo ito. 

2. Bakit napakababa ng kisame ng Jeep? Wala bang nagtataka na bakit kailangang yumuko ng todo-todo para lamang sumakay ng jeep, kung pwede namang baguhin ang disenyo ng mga jeep para hindi na natin kailangang yumuko, at ang kailangan lang ay taasan ang kisame? At bakit kailangang mag-multitask ang driver kung saan nakasalalay ang safety natin bilang pasahero? Sa kanya inaabot ang bayad, siya rin ang nagkukwenta magkano ang sukli, doing all that mental math while weaving through traffic. Hindi na dapat ganun.

3. Bakit napakamahal ng pamasahe sa tricycle, lalo kapag special? Taga Parañaque ako. Minsang umuwi ako galing Crossing, ang singil ng bus sa akin mula crossing hanggang sa MIA 6-11 ay 23 pesos, ang jeep na papunta sa village namin ay otso. 31 pesos mula crossing hanggang village namin. Mula sa entrance ng village hanggang sa bahay namin, via tricycle? 30 PESOS. Aircon ba ang trike? HINDI. Sobrang layo ba ng destinasyon? HINDI. Bakit ang mahal, kung ganun?

Sa mahal ng singil ng mga tricycle drivers, dapat aircon at may TV ang mga trike! 

4. BAKIT ANG BAGAL NG INTERNET NATIN SA PILIPINAS??? Mapa-DSL, wi-fi, or yung internet via that expensive USB flash drive tulad ng SmartBro, ang baaaaaaaagaaaaaaal ng internet natin in general. More often than not, kapag nag-speed test ka, you will find out na mas mabagal 'yung net mo kumpara sa ipinangako sa iyo ng internet provider mo.

5. Bakit ang laging palabas sa TV ay telenovela na pare-pareho lang naman ang tema? Puro awayan, inggitan, selosan, bangayan, gantihan, gaguhan, lokohan, sampalan, sigawan, tampuhan, at lahat na lang ng katarantaduhan ng mga Pinoy ang pinapakita. Nitong huli, hindi lang kabaklaan ang pinapalabas, 'kundi pagtataksil pa sa asawa - pero regular na sinusubaybayan ng mga Pilipino. Ang utak talaga natin, nasa talampakan.

Isang Mensahe mula kay Senyora Santibañez

6.  Bakit puro kantahan ang napapanood natin sa TV? Oo, buti nga't wala nang song and dance segment sa mga Filipino movies, pero nalipat naman sa mga TV shows natin. High School pa lang ako may ASAP na tuwing linggo. Ngayon naglipana ang mga singing contests both foreign at local. Hindi ko sinasabing masama ang pag-kanta ha. Ang gusto ko lang sana mangyari, magkaroon ng mga programa na magpapakita ng iba pang talento ng mga pinoy - at hindi kailangang talent show tulad ng Pinoy Got Talent na parang mas nakafocus sa entertainment kesa talent.

Sana, maiba naman tayo, hindi puro kantahan. 

7. At higit sa lahat...bakit ba natin laging binoboto ang corrupt at manloloko?

Sa tingin ko alam ko ang sagot.

Group picture of congressmen and senators

Ang politika sa Pilipinas ay nakabase sa Padrino System. Ang mga politiko, o ang mga nag-hahangad maging politiko, laging nandyan para sa iyo kapag kunwari ay nagkasakit si Nanay at kailangan mo ng pera pang-opera. O di kaya ay puhunan para sa negosyo. Kung birthday ni Lolo ay may libreng cake galing kay Mayor. Sa paraang iyan mas naaalala ng mga hunghang na botante ang ginawa nila para sa kanila lalo na tuwing eleksyon. Bakit may pork barrel? Simple lang: corrupt leaders need a corrupt system, and a corrupt system breeds corrupt leaders.

Hindi lang pork barrel ang problema. Kasama din ang media sa problema. Kasama din ang hindi patas na sistema ng COMELEC na pumapabor sa mga mayayamang kandidato - at alam naman natin kung sino madalas ang mayaman ay corrupt din, kaya ang nahahalal sa pwesto, yung pinasikat ng media, at 'yung pinanalo ng COMELEC, at 'yung binoto ng taumbayan dahil pogi, dahil sikat, dahil artista, dahil mapagbigay.

Nasa ating mga kamay ang pag-unlad ng Pilipinas. Sana naman magkaroon ng pagbabago para na rin sa kapakanan ng susunod na henerasyon.

I Walked Away from One Man’s Promise of Prosperity – And Never Been Happier!

Just before I wrote this I was browsing through the various viands at my favorite turo-turo near the Pro-Life office in Legarda. Hard to imagine that a few days ago I was casually dining at a posh Spanish restaurant, taking my pick among the different tapas, munching on croquetas and pollo and several other food items whose names I cannot remember. I was smug that I and my team of web developers, graphic designers, and writers will be working for a very rich man, and that we will soon be paid handsomely. He paid for our lunch by the way.

Our would- be employer told us his plans for the team over lunch on that fateful Saturday afternoon. I, in particular, was given a very specific job: to travel to his new manufacturing plant somewhere in Asia, spend a week or two taking pictures of the new plant, its people, and the scenery, then write a book about it. (I won't tell you where, but I Googled the place and found these pics: 

Never mind if I knew next to nothing about SLR photography, he was going to provide me with the camera, process my passport, and give me the money to buy the tickets going there plus some extra cash.

The pay will be good (which, out of modesty, I won’t post here – suffice to say that it was VERY sufficient ) but the perks will be awesome. We will have our own office, apart from all his other employees, but we can work from home if he wasn’t in the country, just as long as we were able to deliver. On top of that, he was also planning to rent out a place for us near the office, so we could be nearby if he’s around. We will be free to work almost whenever and where ever we want, and will be paid lots of money. Ah. Life is good! So we reported for work first thing Monday morning. 

There was, however, one catch.

Our employer was into the manufacturing business, and one of his products was the IVF, or In Vitro Fertilization, machine. The Catholic Church has always maintained that IVF, a process that produces what many people know as “test tube babies” , is immoral. After a few days of working for him, the team decided that enough was enough. (for those who need a little background on why the Catholic Church opposes IVF, you may want to read this, this, and/or this.) 

 The team thought we had made our objection to IVF clear, and also thought that we could make some sort of compromise: we will do our utmost to work for the boss on everything except things related to his IVF machines. Yesterday, however, he secretly asked two of my teammates to go abroad ASAP and help out in promoting his IVF products. What the boss didn’t know was that the team made a pact: we remain faithful to the teachings of the Catholic Church no matter what. We will have to refuse to work for a man who will lead us to sin. We shouldn't have made any compromise to begin with. The Gospel of Mark (8:36) made it crystal-clear for us: For what shall it profit a man, if he gain the whole world, and suffer the loss of his soul?

I am a Catholic. Son of Mama Mary. Son of Don Bosco. With all my heart I turned my back on the empty promises of fortune and walk away with my head held high. 

Our choice was clear, but was in no way easy. I for one have been looking for financial stability all my life, and the work offered gave both artistic freedom and the answer to my financial woes. The job could have given me everything that I didn't have so far – lots of money, good clothes, gadgets, perhaps even a car or two and my own condo unit in a few years’ time, and still have some money left in the savings account to give my future wife the wedding she always wanted. All proved to be elusive dreams once more.