Babies are not blessings? Oh Please!

This is yet another reply to the article written by Ana Santos in Rappler - Babies Are Not Blessings. A good friend who is a renowned Catholic apologist has already written his reply to the article here, but let me add my musings about it as well.

My mother, like all mothers, risked her life in delivering me as a baby, but unlike most mothers, she had to battle hypertension during delivery as well. The doctor predicted this would happen, and months before I was born he 'suggested' to my mother that they 'terminate' the pregnancy so she wouldn't have to go through such a life-risking procedure of delivering me. When I was about to be born, her blood pressure shot up to 180/120, but by God's Grace I was delivered into this world just fine.

To this day, she beams with pride and joy whenever she tells her friends that story when she was able to deliver me and risk her life doing so.

 I agree that no woman has to die when she gives birth to her child. What I am against is this negative view about children and babies.

How can babies not be blessings?

We Catholics believe that every child is a blessing, no matter the circumstance that led to his existence. We believe that life is a GIFT from God, regardless whether we value it or not. We believe that a human person has inherent dignity, from the moment of his conception until his last breath, and that this dignity and this life should be upheld, respected, and protected, even by our very lives. These are the basic tenets of the pro-life mindset; this is why we as pro-lifers do not buy that very dangerous term: "each child should be wanted."

Ana Santos writes:

If babies are truly the blessings that we believe they are, each and every pregnancy should be wanted and properly planned for.

Planned Parenthood, the biggest abortion provider in the US, has this to say in their website. 

Who We Are

Our mission is to ensure that every child is a wanted child and to protect reproductive health by providing comprehensive, medically-accurate sex education and quality health care, while advocating for the reproductive rights of women, men and families. 

This is the not-so-amusing thing about some Pro-RH peeps: they deny to highest heavens that RH is about abortion, but they use the same language that pro-abortion people use! Could it be...?

It is true that pregnancy, and in the larger scheme of things, being a parent, ideally should be planned. All babies, however, regardless whether they were planned or not, regardless whether they are wanted by their parents or not, should be treated as blessings. They are like God's promise to this world that, whatever happened prior to his birth, with all the good and the bad things happening in this world, life goes on! 

 Reality Check: Everything Costs Money, Not Just Babies

One way for Ms. Santos to drive home her point was to use the reality of finances. She writes, quoting Dr. Emma Llanto of UP-PGH:

Llanto’s list includes cost of vaccination and visits to the pediatrician (P30,000 in the first year) and modest cost of living at P25,000 – P30,000 per month. 

“And then they start going to school,” says Llanto who takes her cue from the members of the audience and pegs the cost of an exclusive private school at around P100,000 per year.

Of course, having a baby costs money. Having a pet costs money. Many of our hobbies cost money. Many of our passions in life will, at one point, cost money. We are not talking about mouths to feed here, Ms. Santos. We are talking about the future generation. That mouth to feed today will be two hands and a brain tomorrow, once empowered by education. 

Ironically, last week I have had the privilege of interviewing Mr. Manjoe Mendoza, father to 9 children. These days, a man like him would be derided and ridiculed for having a large family. When I sat down to interview him, however, his views on his big family astounded me. Here is a short excerpt of that interview: 

Me: What are the advantages and disadvantages of having a big family?

Manjoe:  It's true that many hands make light work. Presently, we don't have a helper at home. The kids including the small ones pitch in doing the dishes and cleaning the dining area even during school days. No one is exempted unless it is exam week.

There is nothing compared to the dynamics of interacting with real flesh and blood. (You may have hundreds of friends in Facebook but once you shut down your computer, you are left by your lonesome.) The moral and emotional support / encouragement that they give to each other are priceless! 

 Boys' clothes and shoes get handed down and get maximum mileage. The girls, since they are more or less the same size, share wardrobe.

 If there is a difficult subject in school, chances are, there is a subject matter expert the younger ones can consult. The older kids volunteer to tutor the younger ones. With so many hands available, school projects are a breeze! 

 There is little chance that kids will grow up spoiled. They are experts at division. When given a tray of chocolates, the young ones automatically divide it by nine. There is a heightened sense of fairness and justice instilled in them that we cannot claim to have taught them. Only the college kids have their own laptops, the rest share one desktop PC and learn patience by queuing.

They learn to put others first. I never noticed it but Lenette (his wife) pointed out that frequently, there is one last piece of drumstick or hotdog or lumpiang shanghai left on the serving plate. They do not dump food on their plates.
There are also disadvantages, the first one you might have guessed right. Education is expensive. We have given up a lot of things in order to cope with the cost of education. These include children's parties, vacations and weekends for recreation. Our children know why we have to make sacrifices. They appreciate the value of money. We only go to the mall if there is a specific purchase to make; we don't window-shop because it breeds a consumerist mentality. Tough situations call for making sacrifices -- these are golden opportunities to teach temperance and moderation, being a wise consumer and not falling prey to advertising hype. And no, the kids do not feel deprived. 

We have deferred moving to a bigger house in a nicer neighborhood. We live in a 3 bedroom bungalow, that means there is no choice but to get along with other people. Boys stay in one room, girls share a bedroom and bathroom. Even managing with just two toilets at home is not viewed as an inconvenience but a chance for them to: practice time-management; be considerate of other people, not to always put one's self ahead. We've never bought a new car since 1997; we drive second-hand cars. It's more practical and it teaches the value of detachment. We don't acquire things as an end in themselves nor do we measure people by their possessions. 

Photo courtesy of Sky Ortigas

I have been invited to countless children's parties, mostly by my friends who are still beaming with their new status as parents. They tell me all about the joys as well as the struggles of parenthood. I have seen their metamorphosis too. We spent so many nights drinking and partying back in the day Now they are proud parents to their little bundle of joy, and I have seen such a profound transformation in them. Perhaps they realize that their children are both blessings and opportunities for them to improve their lives. 

I dare Ms. Santos to say it to their faces - that their babies are not blessings. 

I am not perfect. I made so many mistakes in my life, and lived through so many embarrassing, shameful, and painful moments. But I choose to believe that I, like everyone else, was born to be a blessing to my family and the rest of the world.

One of the many movies that made me cry was Mr. Holland's Opus, starring Richard Dreyfus. Mr. Holland wanted to become a famous composer of music, but wound up as a music teacher in the local school instead. In this scene, after he was laid off by the principal due to economic reasons, he was given one final goodbye by his students and former students, spanning more than 30 years of his career. Watch this very touching scene. 

The governor of their place, who was then Mr. Holland's student, gave a very inspiring speech: 

Gertrude Lang: Mr. Holland had a profound influence on my life and on a lot of lives I know. But I have a feeling that he considers a great part of his own life misspent. Rumor had it he was always working on this symphony of his. And this was going to make him famous, rich, probably both. But Mr. Holland isn't rich and he isn't famous, at least not outside of our little town. So it might be easy for him to think himself a failure. 

But he would be wrong, because I think that he's achieved a success far beyond riches and fame. Look around you. There is not a life in this room that you have not touched, and each of us is a better person because of you. We are your symphony Mr. Holland. We are the melodies and the notes of your opus. We are the music of your life.

We enrich this world and the lives of those whom we love by our existence. The gifts you have received, give as gifts! And so, as Sr. Pilar Verzosa, the founder of Pro-Life Philippines would often say: I AM GLAD YOU WERE BORN!