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| photo courtesy of the robin rice gallery |
I peered through the blinds of my hotel room. The rain kept pouring, and people below are all trying to get to some nearby shed to seek refuge from the downpour, save for some frolicking kids. I have been seeking respite from the blizzard I just left in Chicago, only to arrive in wet, wet Manila, with an unexpected rain shower in March. I downed my scotch and felt that warm feeling in my gut, if only for a few moments.
I looked at my watch and it said three-thirty in the afternoon. Half an hour to go. I looked at the mirror and adjusted my tie for the third time in 5 minutes. Somehow, I can’t make my tie quite as good as she did. After adjusting my tie for the last time, I hurried towards the elevator.
Hopefully I can catch a cab and I won’t run late.
I am going to meet Alice today. It’s an appointment and a date I couldn't beg off from even if I wanted to. It’s been years since we last talked, and when she phoned me a week ago to set up this meeting, I knew I just had to be here, by hook or by crook.
Alice has been my best friend since elementary. She has been my everything since she first saved my life one bloody day back in 5th grade. I had just gotten into a big fist fight with this guy, Rick, who was and always be an asshole. My polo was disheveled, blood oozing from my nose and staining my clothes. If our teachers saw me like that, it would have been the end of me – being the prolific troublemaker that I was, I knew I was skating on thin ice even before I got into that huge fight with Rick. Alice saved my life that day. She broke up our fight, the bell rang, lunch break was over, and she saw me like she saw a dead man walking. Without a moment’s hesitation she dragged me into the nearby drinking fountain, peeked left and right down the corridor to make sure nobody saw us, got her hanky, damped it with water, and began taking away the blood stains from my polo, as hurriedly as she could. She wiped away the blood from my nose, arranged the collars of my polo, and did everything to make sure I looked nothing like a gladiator fresh from the coliseum.
“Hay, you are very lucky to have someone like me as your president.” She said that with that sort of frown you’d get from your mom when she realizes you haven’t cleaned your room yet. “Now go back to the classroom NOW!”
I hurried back to the classroom, without looking back, and before that week was over, we were friends. We were the best of friends by the time we graduated from elementary.
The bellhop managed to get me a cab driven by Joey, the smarmiest cab driver around. We hadn't even passed by the block yet and he was talking to me like we were buddies or something. He talked so much that he didn’t notice my empty stare out the window as a grey, old Manila passed us by. I ended some of his sentences with the customary and polite “uh-uh” and “yeah” but my thoughts were solely on Alice.
By the time we hit high school, and boy bands started ruling the airwaves (I had a special fondness though for one-hit wonders Sugar Ray) we were so close that people thought we were a couple. Even our parents did. But no, we stuck to that cheesy tag, “more than friends but less than lovers” coined by that generation. Ah, the birth of MU. But I had the hots for this girl on the other class, Sally. I just had to tell Alice about my everlasting love for Sally. I did that one time during lunch.
“You have a crush on Sally? Hahahaha!” She was trying to both remain feminine and not to spill the food from her mouth. She failed on both. The way she laughed, I sensed that she knew something about her that I didn't. I grudgingly shoved the last piece of my cold pork chop down my throat.
“What’s wrong with having a crush on her? She’s perfect. You know how she looks like when her long, brown hair catches wind, and she still looks immaculate? I gave her that look – that serious look I was fond of giving her to indicate that either I am in deep crap or am desperate for a sheet of intermediate paper.
“Oh, alright. I will help you out.” Alice said, and I felt like I won the lottery. I gave her a smack on the cheek, like we were used to doing, and ran off to play basketball with my friends.
The next few days were devoted for meticulously planning OPERATION 214. Sally is to be my date on prom night, or else, it’s the end of the world for me. A week after, Sally and Alice were already hitting it off like long-lost best buddies, and as planned, Alice built me up for Sally like I was Brad Pitt, Michael Jordan, and Einstein all in one person. The pieces were falling into place. However, the day I was going to ask her to be my date on the prom, I somehow lost my balls. I was sweating and shaking like crazy. I dragged Alice into one corner of the school corridor told her I couldn't do it.
“What do you mean you couldn't do it? She said, exasperated. “All the weeks of planning will be for nothing if you don’t do your thing!”
“But, but, but...” I was stammering bad even before Sally was in front of me. I also didn't sleep a wink the night before. “But what if she says no?”
The look on Alice’s face told me she understood that this means the world to me. She gave me hug, and a smack on the cheek, and told me that everything will be alright, as she was used to doing. Somehow, I was always at peace in her arms – only that it took me 15 years to realize it. She disengaged from our warm embrace, fixed my hair and my collar, and said, winking, “You WILL be alright.”
At that moment, someone bumped into me from behind, and before I knew it, I was picking up books and notebooks and apologizing. When I looked up, it was Sally.
My memories with Sally are all a blur to me, except for prom night, when Sally and I were slow-dancing on the floor, and I saw in one of the tables, Alice, who gave me a smile and a thumbs up. I smiled back. Thanks Alice. Thank you so much.
Our cab stopped at one intersection in Taft Avenue. There was a long procession of people in front of us. and I stared at my watch. Five minutes to go. Come on. Move it. At the end of the procession was a hearse. Call me heartless but I was relieved to see the end of it. My cab sped away, knowing that I have to catch an appointment at four.
Alice was always there for me, even though I could hardly say I was there for her. He made sure I dressed up on my thesis defense, and fixed my tie on my first interview. She was there to support me whenever my exes got tired of me and left me. She wasn't a crying shoulder, because I hardly cried, but she was always there. She was always there to celebrate my victories too. One time I drank so hard after getting promoted, and I woke up on my bed the morning after. I immediately knew that it was Alice, and when I turned my heavy head towards the dresser, I saw a glass of water and some medicine. Alice has done this once or twice before, and I couldn't imagine any of my friends doing this for me. Alice grew inside me, all these years. That fateful day when I fought Rick, that was fate leading me to Alice. She is everything to me – a friend, a confidant, a drinking buddy.
At that point, I was convinced to add ‘soul-mate’ to the description.
Unlike others who had troulbe making the transition from best friend to girlfriend, I felt that everything would be natural between us. Everything that we have done in the past all led to this, and I was so sure that it was going to be her for the rest of my life. So one lazy afternoon in March I invited her for a stroll down our favorite place in UP. We have been going around in circles but it didn’t matter to her. I on the other hand felt butterflies in my gut and been going around in circles, trying to find the right words. Just as I was about to say it, we found ourselves under a heavy downpour, and ran towards the nearest big tree.
“Come on, say it!” She reminded me that I was about to say something.
“Nah, it can wait. I-I-I..”
She did what she did best to me: she held me in her arms and embraced me tightly. She looked right in to my eyes without letting me go. “What is it Miles?” she asked.
“I-love-you, Alice.” I said, as I was used to doing. We often exchanged I love yous because we were the best of friends – but now it is going to be different.
“Of course you do, and I love you too Miles. Now, tell me, what’s bugging you?” She persisted.
“You don’t understand Alice. I LOVE you.” I said, hoping she would get it. I can feel her warm body pressed against me even through our cold and wet clothes.
And in that moment she got it.
“Miles,” she was sobbing and fighting back tears. “I have always loved you, did you know that?”
“Of course you did...”
“You don’t understand Miles. I have ALWAYS. LOVED. You. And only you.” She said, and added, “I have waited for this moment my entire life...”
We looked into each other’s eyes and understood. For the first time, I kissed her lips, and she kissed me back. My life flashed before me at that moment. I held her in my arms, kissed her some more, and the afternoon melted in our embrace.
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| from xaxor.com |
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Alice was fixing my tie as I was making a business call over my mobile phone. I was busy with business matters, and Alice was busy with me. As soon as I put down the phone, she looked into my eyes.
“You take care of yourself okay,” Alice worriedly said.
“I will.” I reassured her.
I kissed her on the cheek like I was used to doing, and said goodbye. She hugged me tightly just like old times and fought back tears. I disappered into the thick airport crowd. I was running late for my flight.
Thousands of feet in the air, I was thinking how unfair I had been to Alice all these years. She was always, and damn I mean ALWAYS there for me, even though I can’t say I have been there for her. Well, maybe once or twice, but that was about it. Things didn't really work out right between us, and we both realized that sometimes love just isn't enough to convince people to stay in a relationship. I was beginning to make a name for myself in entrepreneurial circles, and she was beginning to give her whole heart to me. We broke up after two years, but she remained a very loyal and good friend to me, even though I have broken her heart.
That, to me, is the most painful thing I ever had to endure.
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I buried myself with work and tried to forget all about her. The Windy City has a way of making me forget her, but not really. I was taking my time. They say time heals all wounds.
Until she phoned me last week. I was excited to see her, and despite my busy schedule I made sure I am there for her this time.
The cab stopped. I looked at the rear view mirror and adjusted my tie. It was time.
The rain had stopped.
I stepped out of the cab and handed Joey some dollar bills, way more than my taxi boundary was worth.
“I’d give you more if you wait for me,” I told Joey, as he nodded and said “yes! yes!” excitedly.
This is the most important day in Alice’s life, and I am just right in time. The bells pealed in San Agustin Church. It is time.
I went inside and sat down on the pews. I was lost in thought but I heard a familiar voice.
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photo courtesy of
http://munchwaffle.files.wordpress.com/ |
“Miles...” Alice called out, her voice distinct from all the noise and the church organ being played. And there she was, totally beautiful in white. We glanced at each other for a second or so, then gave her a nod. She then continued to make her way towards the altar. What a lovely bride she is.
The rest of the ceremony was a blur to me. The only thing I noticed was how happy Alice looked. I know her. She couldn't fake that smile even if she wanted to.
I made my way out of the church the same time people did, in time for the ceremonial rice throwing. Somehow, in the confusion of the crowd, and with the groom and the bride thanking all well-wishers, I was able to push and shove my way in front of her. There she was, right in front of me, on the happiest day of her life. I haven’t always been there for her; I would give up the world just to be where I am standing on right now. I caught her eye, and held both her hands, and my life with her flashed before me – and time stopped. She embraced me like she was used to doing, and thanked me for being here.
“Join us for dinner, Miles.” She asked me.
“Nah, I've got a flight to catch. 6.30. Busy with work.” I shrugged my shoulders. I swear I could see her eyes glisten.
“Just like old times, huh Miles.” She said. That hurt, but yes it is true. She has never changed, and I never did.
I embraced her one last time, and whispered in to her ear: “Alice, you’re the best thing that happened to my life. You have been there all my life. Thank you...”
Before I could finish, our embrace was broken by the greetings of more well-wishers who also hugged her and congratulated her. Soon, I saw the groom.
“Miles, you remember Rick, right?” Yes, of course. How could I forget. He was and always be an asshole. I shook his hand and wished the couple well.
They made their way in the car, and the last thing I saw was Alice, and her lips telling me, “You take care of yourself okay...” She said that with that sort of expression you’d get from your mom when she realizes you haven’t cleaned your room yet. I couldn't hear her because of the crowd of course. I just know.
I made my way back to the cab, and Joey was flashing this silly grin.
“where to, boss?”
“Airport. I am going back to Chicago.” I said, and sunk into my seat.
“Just like old times, sir?” He asked.
Just like old times. And the rain began to pour once again.
